How to break the ice

[Comment Below]

By Morgan Mitchener

Dear Advice,
My brother is dating a woman no one in our family can stand. She only thinks about herself and is way too controlling, but he thinks she is the greatest thing ever and brings her around to all our family events. I tried talking to him about it, but he only got hurt that I don't approve. Am I wrong to have approached him?
-Fed up

Dear Fed up,
Every family has its problems, whether it's having that cranky uncle or negative grandmother, but it's your job to hold your tongue, even if it hurts. I say this because no one should have to experience a group of people picking on them.

First, stop saying negative things about your brother's girlfriend. It is only fueling your frustration and obviously your brother seems content with her, so try to see what he enjoys about her company.

Whenever she gets on your nerves or says something that gets under your skin, try casually leaving the room or changing the conversation. By remaining calm you will earn your brother's respect and he may be more open to your opinion.

For example, if you are deciding where to eat for dinner and she says she is not hungry, tell your brother that the family is leaving to eat and he will have to deal with her.

Be polite and encourage your other family members to go with the flow and don't allow her to be a constant issue or hindrance. If you keep certain boundaries around her such as ignoring childish behavior, you will not get as frustrated.

Do realize though that this may make things difficult for your brother if you and your family choose to do things even if he and his girlfriend are absent.

Although it may not be your choice, this girl may become a part of your family. And, it will be a lot easier to deal with if you know how to control your feelings.

After you have tried all of the above and you are still feeling anger toward your brother or sick of his girlfriend, only approach him about the situation in a calm, reasonable manner.

If you wait and hold all of your anger inside, you will risk exploding on him and thus causing tension between the two of you and he may resort to choosing his girlfriend over you, which can be very hurtful.

It's a sticky situation, but being the bigger person will get you further than if you are insensitive and ugly towards this girl. So remember to be wise with your words and all will go well.

-Advice

Originally Published: Issue 863 - February 3, 2010

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