Wield the perm of death in 'Bayonetta'

[Comment Below]

By David Bates

"Bayonetta" is a game about a leggy witch who shoots angels and has a kid who looks just like her and ice skates on lava. There are purple butterflies, guns named after spices, and stripper poles. You fight angels with your hair, which works really well because it is magic. The game is so sexually suggestive that you'll wonder why they bothered covering up Bayonetta's naughty bits.

"Bayonetta" is basically Devil May Cry 5, and if you take nothing else away from this review, take that. The player gets swarmed by inexplicably hostile angels and is forced to mash the dodge button for dear life. A well-time dodge sends Bayonetta into "Witch Time" which slows down all onscreen enemies and earns you more points. Thankfully, Bayonetta can shoot her enemies from virtually anywhere onscreen, so players can keep combos going without hurling themselves at every foe.

"Bayonetta" throws in motorcycle chases and shooter segments to complement the beat-em-up action. It's a nice touch and keeps the game fresh.

The game's graphics are remarkably well done. Characters don't look as anatomically correct as they do in most games, which throws the eroticism that the game tries to stir up into a cold shower. However, the animation moves fluidly, even when a pack of angels is trying to rip you apart.

"Bayonetta" takes a misplaced sort of pride in its bloated, annoying cut scenes. These have a skip button, which is about the nicest thing I can say about them. They're too long, they're prone to "talking heads" scenes, and the action sequences should have been playable. They're also studded with cheap shot Quicktime events. You can beat a boss without taking a hit, only to die because you weren't expecting a Quicktime event in the ensuing cinematic. Playing a game with these things is like eating ice cream with a piece of gravel in it.

Furthermore, "Bayonetta" abuses parts of its soundtrack, including Felicia Sanders' "Fly Me to the Moon" which gets beaten to death over the course of the game.

Really, though, this type of game is about providing that twitchy, lick-your-lips kick of flirting with danger, and "Bayonetta" has it in spades.

Originally Published: Issue 863 - February 3, 2010

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