There is more than one Mr./Miss Right out there

Go-to Guy

[Comment Below]

By Stephen Phillips

Last week, in my article about compatibility, I made an off-hand comment about how I believe that there is more than one person out there for everyone. I got quite a few e-mails (and even a couple of approaches in the Middleton CC’s) from readers expressing their interest and concern with what I said. So, I decided I would address the topic in more detail.

Am I saying that there is no such thing as a soul mate? Yes and no.

Soul mate is just a word, interchangeable with Mr./Miss Right or “the one.” It’s a subjective word that not everyone uses. Not only that, but in no way does “soul mate” connote singularity. Much like we go through life having more than one best friend, we are just as inclined as humans to have more than one soul mate.

One reader who wrote in asked me why I thought this way. She argued that our Mr. or Miss Right is the person we ultimately stay with forever. Additionally, she said that failed marriages and unfortunate breakups beyond our control are simply signs that a particular person is not meant for you.

I agree with her, to an extent. If we look at life as purely circumstantial, where the universe is under no obligation to serve mankind, we can’t generalize that a particular person is not meant for us. What we can say, however, is that a certain person is not meant for us under our momentary circumstances. Nothing can be classified as fate.

Even if you believe in a higher power, surely that higher power gave us some free will. Otherwise there would be no reason to be compelled to serve this higher power, given that we would all be destined for an unchanging resultant at the end of our lives. Believing in free will means believing that for every moment in time, there lays an infinite number of paths we may choose to take. If we take one path completely different from another, we end up spending our life with different people under different circumstances.

Sure, you can argue that the paths we choose are pre-determined, and the people we choose are the people with whom we are meant to be, but remember that free will doesn’t just stop at the places we go and the people we meet. We make decisions at these particular places and with our respective so-called soul mates. We make mistakes.

It just boils down to a matter of unproven beliefs as to whether our mistakes in life are predetermined. I believe that our uncontrolled free will gives us room to mess up a relationship that would be perfect otherwise. Cheating on your mate can cause irreparable damage to a relationship, and who’s to say that making a horrible mistake merely means your destiny didn’t lie with the person you wronged?

And what about widows who eventually get remarried? Is spouse number two not a “soul mate”? Or would you say that fate was playing a hand in killing spouse number one because he or she simply wasn’t “the one”? Can you really say that?

Some might argue that people get remarried because society demands that we not die alone. This is very true, but I can use that argument to say that society demands we all find a soul mate. What else would you call your spouse? The backup? Very few people truly admit to marrying someone out of desperation and fear of loneliness.

Sadly, we do live in a society that requires companionship. What this means is that most of us eventually find someone to fulfill that requirement. But the thing that keeps many people from switching mates so frequently is comfort. In many instances, the longer you are with someone without conflict, the more difficult it is to see yourself with someone else.

I know that sounds cynical and maybe suggests that there’s no such thing as love. But before you send in more letters, look at your current relationship and ask yourself, “am I happy?”

If you are, then you’ve found your soul mate – well, one of them.

Girls who want relationship advice can write to Stephen@tigerweekly.com

Originally Published: Issue 542 - March 14, 2007

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