‘Drillbit Taylor’ brings [insert pun here]

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By Stephen Phillips

Rating: C+

This movie about a budget body guard brought nothing more than a few budget laughs.

I worked on that ultimately unsatisfactory pun for 10 full minutes. I felt that following the movie review formula was necessary to discuss a film that never once deviated from its own doomed formula. “Drillbit Taylor” was about as stiff as a drill bit. Oh, snap! There’s another one.

In this unorthodox-mentor-meets-impressionable-souls comedy, Owen Wilson plays a homeless “war veteran” with aspirations to start a new life in Canada; all he needs is the funds to do so. The film begins with a paralleled character introduction, where we meet Drillbit Taylor (Wilson), the typical intersection-beggar who showers on the beach and lives in the woods.

Simultaneously, a weak introduction to a couple of cookie-cutter underdogs starting their first day of high school sets the mood for a seen-it-before tale of bullies who don’t seem to show up on the radar of teachers, police or administration.

The fat-and-skinny duo meets an almost-unrealistically tiny, even-more-geeky freshman, and the three boys become the sole targets of two practically adult delinquents with a thirst for violence. As can be understood by the trailer, the cowardly boys seek professional protection.

After a series of shots featuring body guard candidates with varied personalities and outrageous service fees, the boys meet the reasonably priced Drillbit Taylor, who merely intends to take the kids’ meager amount of cash, a few of their parents’ possessions, and then run off to Canada. Drillbit and his other homeless buddies (I initially wrote “bum buddies” – heh, heh) then decide to take the scam a little further by “milking” the kids for everything they have. But will Drillbit have a change of heart after he actually gets to know the kids? Yes, yes he will.

The comedic value is there, and the laughs are frequent enough in the beginning to keep the viewer interested. But this movie falls short in a sloppy and ultimately anticlimactic Act II, where everything we’ve predicted comes to fruition, and we come to the sad realization that the story is only half over.

The writing and acting make a sincere effort to bust our guts in the first and third acts, but that attempt comes at the sacrifice of an interesting plot development. It’s the common fault of most PG-13 comedies: Hard and fast jokes, underplayed subplots and a forced resolution with humor as an afterthought. The only thing that separates “Drillbit Taylor” from that formula is a satisfying third act with enough humor to allow the viewer to suspend belief one last time. Unfortunately, it’s not quite enough to forgive a boring midsection.

If you like schoolyard violence, the final sequences will keep you interested and maybe even a little excited. In fact, you may enjoy most of the film, as unjustifiable bully-terror is the foundation of “Drillbit Taylor.”

As for everyone else, the movie makes for a fine drinking-night rental.

E-mail the author at Stephen@tigerweekly.com

Originally Published: Issue 601 - March 26, 2008

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