When PDA goes too far

Go-to-Guy

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By Stephen Phillips

Dear Stephen,

For the record, I’m a big fan of PDA (public display of affection). But my boyfriend is going too far recently. We’ve been together a little over a year, and he’s completely flipped in personality. The quiet, kind, introverted guy I fell for has turned into a complete ass; he’s been very perverted with me in public, touching my breasts and practically dry-humping me. He does this mostly when he’s around our friends, and needless to say it makes me extremely uncomfortable! It seems to be getting worse over the past few weeks. What happened to the guy who was almost afraid to hold my hand in public? How do I get him back?

- Violated

Dear Violated,

I apologize in advance, for I have nothing to say that will make you feel any better. I only have the truth.

Men change. Your boyfriend is certainly not an exception to this. Furthermore, from the tone, content and style of your letter to me, I can guess that you’re a college freshman, and your boyfriend is likely the same age. I’m not saying this to insult you, but it helps if you know that the transition between high school and college can be an ugly one, where minds develop and ideals evolve.

If your boyfriend was introverted and sweet to you, then his sudden change can be easily chalked up to his surroundings. He might be an ass, but he does have a reason for his aggressive and inappropriate behavior (and yes, it IS inappropriate by all standards). There’s an issue of insecurity here, and it’s likely caused by something he and his friends discuss in private. There’s something he’s trying to prove or show to his friends, and unfortunately, you have to suffer for it.

Have you talked to him? And before you answer that, let me clarify by saying that telling him to stop when he does it or giving him the cold shoulder later does not constitute a true conversation about it.

Talking to him is pretty generic advice, I know, so I’ll do you one better: Let him go.

Your boyfriend is changing, and I’ll bet you are, too. Of course, you know that it’s a common thing for us young people, so why not accept it? Perhaps your boyfriend has a bit of growing up to do, although this could be the “new” him. Either way, these are your choices – talk to him or dump him – and in all likelihood, you might have to do both. I hope you’re ready for that, and good luck.

Originally Published: Issue 547 - April 25, 2007

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