Go-To Girl

What if our decision to have sex kills the relationship?

[Comment Below]

By Jenna Gibbs

Dear Go-To Girl,

I've been in a relationship for about five years with one of my friends from high school, and we’ve recently been considering taking our relationship to the next physical level. As you’re probably used to this type of question, our unspoken problem has nothing to do with who we are to each other, or the question of whether or not to finally do it. My question is what if it’s not what we’re expecting and our good relationship falls apart because of it?

- Obstructed

Dear Obstructed,

Five years is a long time to date, and I imagine that if you can put up with someone else that long, you must really care about her.

If the question is not that you are unsure about taking the relationship to the next physical level, then you should take it to the next level. If expectations are the only things standing in the way, then you don’t really have a very big problem.

Of course you will have high expectations for anything that you do with someone you care so much about. And of course, some of them may be too high, but that shouldn’t change the way you feel about each other.

If your experience does fall short of your expectations, don’t feel like you should give up on the relationship. You’ve spent a lot of time working on the relationship, and it isn’t something to not try for. Every experience can be a learning experience, and if it isn’t perfect the first time, it can be perfected with time and practice.

The bottom line is not to get so wrapped up in the idea of taking your relationship to the next level. If you both want to, go ahead. Have fun, and do what feels right for you. With the amount of time you’ve already invested into the relationship, you can spare a little bit of time to work on this too if it’s not perfect.

Originally Published: Issue 607 - May 6, 2008

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