Go-To Guy

The unanswered e-mails

[Comment Below]

By Stephen Phillips

For various reasons, I am unable to answer every good question that comes through my inbox. It’s sometimes because I’m lazy, and other times the e-mail sits in my spam folder before I find it during a painstakingly long Microsoft Outlook clean-up. Here are some questions I’ve received in the past few months, shortened and reworded for space reasons.

Q1: My boyfriend broke up with me five months ago, but he keeps calling and e-mailing me to hang out. He insists that he wants to remain friends, but this is a little weird. He calls more often than my good friends do, and I’m running out of excuses to say no. What do I do?

Answer: If you’re out of excuses, I guess you’ll have to quit answering his calls and e-mails. Unless he’s psychotic, he’ll take the hint. If he doesn’t, a simple “Leave me alone; I’m trying to date other guys” would be sufficient. You’ll eventually have to do something about it if you want to truly move on. There’s nothing more unappealing than an ex-boyfriend still buzzing around so incessantly.

Q2: I recently found out that a few of my boyfriend’s friends were saying some hurtful things about me in front of my boyfriend. And the worst part: He did not defend me! His excuse was that they were just venting about how I don’t let my boyfriend do certain things in front me, which is why he didn’t “overreact.” Still, don’t I have a right to be upset?

Answer: Yes, you do. Not only should something like this never happen again, but he should be man enough to go back and inform his friends that they are not to say anything negative about her in his presence. I have a zero-tolerance policy against this sort of spinelessness; if they have a problem with you, it should be addressed to you.

Q3: A girl I’m interested in recently got out of a two-year-long relationship. I think she’s also interested in me, but I don’t want to be the rebound who eventually gets dumped. Is it possible that this mutual attraction would keep us from the typical rebound syndrome?

Answer: Anything’s possible, but it’s not likely in this case. If you’re OK with the high chances of this relationship dwindling to nothing more than a fling, go for it. However, if you’re interested in pursuing something “real” with this girl, give it a few months. Let her make one or two mistakes in the heat of emotional detachment. See how she feels once she’s really over him. And no, she’s not over him just because she said so.

Q4: After I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago, she went crazy and started spreading secrets and lies about me to all of her friends and my friends. Now I can’t walk into a room without getting funny looks. What should I do about this? And don’t tell me to just ignore it.

Answer: Just ignore it. Sorry, I know you told me not to say that, but what else can you do? Get revenge? Stoop to her level and do whatever it takes to make her feel like the lowest of lows? She already is the lowest of lows.

Her friends were never your friends anyway, and your friends should at least understand how pathetic it was of your ex-girlfriend to run her mouth for the sake of boosting her ego. I’ve been in a similar situation before with an ex-friend, and I’ve learned merely to feel sorry for these people. Trust me; she is not worth the effort it takes to make her feel like what she is.

Q5: I’m in an online relationship and have been for almost a year. I plan to meet the guy this summer when he moves down here to start school at LSU. I’m still nervous, though, about what my friends will think when I tell them I’ve been dating this guy online for so long. Should I even tell them?

Answer: First of all, be safe when you meet this guy, for God’s sake. Secondly, I’m surprised you haven’t told them already – they might be curious as to why you don’t flirt when you go out. Have you been completely faithful to your online boyfriend?

You don’t have to tell anyone anything. For all they know, you could’ve met this guy yesterday and it wouldn’t make a difference to them. If you do tell them you’ve been dating this guy on the Internet, they will probably judge you. But who cares, honestly?

Originally Published: Issue 607 - May 6, 2008

Share on Facebook

Back to the top