Ten ways to spot a freshman

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By Alexandra Giamalva

A few years ago, I was probably guilty of these things myself. But incoming freshmen, do yourself a favor and pay attention. Avoid the following things and you’ll look a lot less…like a freshman.

#1: They act drunk after a whopping three beers and don’t inhale their cigarettes.

#2: Taking pictures every…where…they…go. Eating dinner? Picture time! Putting on makeup? Picture time! Bathroom break? Time to take a picture! Using the bathroom mirror! Although a good drunk picture is usually pricelessly funny to post on Facebook, make ‘em count and don’t go overboard.

#3: Ladies, going to class is not an opportunity to show everyone just how much junk is in your trunk. Save the tight jeans and heels for Tigerland. Also, keep the makeup minimal. Caking on a lot of makeup in the daytime makes you look like a baby prostitute. Plus, your smoky eye would probably melt in the heat anyway.

#4: Donning a stamped hand, a monstrous T-shirt, and the messiest ponytail imaginable to indicate to those around you that you’re so hung over that you didn’t even have the energy to find a shirt that fits, some soap to wash your hand or a brush for your hair is a sure sign of lack of experience. Upperclassmen are probably hung over, too. They just don’t think it’s cool to let the whole world know it.

#5: Walking around campus with white Union Bookstore bags filled with textbooks screams lower classman. Just put the damn things in your book bag, sack, tote bag or whatever you carry every day.

#6: The long, tortuous journey called Recruitment is over. You’ve recently joined a sorority and you’re psyched about it. But really? Wearing your new sista’s letters on your flip flops, t-shirt, necklace, tote bag and gym shorts all at the same time is overkill. Just wear one (maybe two) Greek pieces at a time.

#7: Walking around campus holding a huge campus map is a sure sign of a new student. Granted, walking around looking bewildered is far worse. Instead of using the large map they give out at orientation, draw your own on a sheet of paper or note card with only the buildings you’ll need. It’s much more discreet.

#8: Going in the wrong door! It’s just like driving. Stay to the right when entering a building. Please. You’re in the way.

#9: Wearing high school t-shirts and a class ring. Leave the past in the past. Get some LSU shirts to wear, if you can. Anyway, football season is coming up – show some Tiger pride.

#10: They look so happy and fresh, so eager to be here. Seeing a friend in the quad becomes the equivalent of winning an Olympic race – screaming each other’s name and hugging each other with such vigor! One year passes and that same freshman could be Student Government president and ending world hunger! Or, that same giggle-infested freshie might be found holed up at Charlie’s Coffee with a nicotine addiction and a book written by Plath.

Obviously, that’s extreme. But, it’s a good example of the amount of change a freshman goes through the first year.

Freshmen should cherish and make the most of their first year. Being so blissfully ignorant and yet so eager to experience everything is one of the most unique times in your life.

Originally Published: Issue 701 - August 19, 2008

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