Dirt on the Red Carpet

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By Jenna Gibbs

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up … yawn

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have finally ended their relationship. It appears that Jennifer dumped him because of his refusal of monogamy. Apparently, Jennifer gave him three chances to be faithful, and he couldn’t do it.

John slipped up with a cocktail waitress, a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour and finally, a groupie. Three chances seems like an awful lot.

But don’t feel bad for Jennifer. It appears that before news even broke to the media that the pair had broken up, Jennifer was calling friends asking around for men to go on dates with her. Now, I feel bad that Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie, but she seriously needs to be a little less desperate.

You know, though, all of this could have probably been avoided if Jennifer would have done what other celebrities with musician boyfriends do – drop everything and follow them around on tour.

Clay Aiken had a baby!

No, don’t get too excited. Of course Clay didn’t actually have sex with a woman. Clay’s best friend, who is also 50 years old, agreed to artificial insemination so that Clay could have a baby. Well, I guess this certainly dispels those gay rumors. This is exactly how a straight man would go about having a baby.

Parker Foster Aiken was born at 8:08 a.m. on August 8. He weighed only six pounds and two ounces. Clay and his best friend intend to raise the baby together, and Clay was reportedly very proud.

Oh, and one last piece of information. Clay’s best friend who gave birth is named Jaymes Foster. Jaymes. Enough said.

Paris Hilton disappoints by not being a whore

In case you didn’t know, the critically acclaimed “National Lampoon’s Pledge This!” had Paris Hilton in it. And they paid Paris Hilton $1 million for her role and to also be an “executive producer.” But there was a condition. Paris Hilton was required to help promote the movie.

Unfortunately, Paris failed to do any promotional stuff at all. Now, she’s being sued by Worldwide Entertainment Group for $75,000. So, let’s get this straight. Paris refused to promote something that involved her. Either she’s gotten really lazy or that movie is so terrible that it doesn’t meet Paris’ standards.

Originally Published: Issue 701 - August 19, 2008

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