Engaged after 17 days?!

Go-To Guy

[Comment Below]

By Stephen Phillips

Dear Stephen,

I did a little bit of Facebook stalking today and found out one of my friends, who’s barely 20 years old, is engaged. But here’s the kicker: According to her mini-feed, she’s only been with this guy since the end of July. Did my friend really fall madly in love with her boyfriend and agree to spend the rest of her life with him after only 17 days? Is this common or is she doomed?

- Shocked

Dear Shocked,

It seems that as people get older, the time between attraction and love gets shorter. I know older happily married couples who only dated for eight-11 months before tying the knot. They decided it’s too late in life to wait. They’ve done all the growing and maturing they’re going to do, so it’s time to commit. Hell, even college students are dating for a year and getting engaged; it’s still too early to tell how those marriages will work out, though.

But 17 days seems pretty insane for marriage talk. I can offer a few scenarios as to why this has occurred:

1. Maybe they’ve been dating for far longer than what Facebook might tell you. The boyfriend (er, fiance) may have only recently signed up for Facebook.

2. Perhaps they’ve known each other since childhood, best friends who grew together and stayed close – a buildup to this burst of committed love.

3. One of them could be moving/graduating/transferring, and because your friend and her new fling are deep within the infatuation stage of the relationship, they are desperate to sustain that level of passion by offering a feeling of permanence to each other.

4. Maybe they are inexperienced daters who believe their current feelings could only be described as love, and because they are old enough to drive and almost old enough to drink, they feel they are ready for marriage.

5. Or it’s all a joke to get a rise out of fellow Facebook stalkers.

Unfortunately, no matter what scenario it is, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind. To learn anything about relationships, one needs experience, not a demonstration. If it’s scenario 3 or 4, let’s hope she doesn’t make it all the way to the alter. But if she does, it’s her right to make that mistake – if it’s a mistake.

Originally Published: Issue 701 - August 19, 2008

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