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The dos and don’ts of drinking at a bar
Dining and Nightlife Guide
By Alexandra Giamalva
You just failed a midterm, your girlfriend dumped you for your fraternity brother and your schizophrenic roommate plays “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails on repeat every time his girlfriend sleeps over. Even though you’re stressed, have little patience or tolerance for anyone, and are eager to drink away your pain, it’s still no excuse to act a fool while letting off steam at your local watering hole. Whether you’re a sixth year senior or new freshman, we all need a refresher course. So, here’s a list of dos and don’ts for bar etiquette.
DO! Tip the appropriate amount, which is one dollar per drink, not per order. Bartenders appreciate tipping and will be more likely to serve you quickly next time, even if it’s busy.
DON’T! Wave money around, scream the bartender’s name, or place your breasts on the bar to get faster service. Although I’ve heard that it helps to be an attractive female, don’t act like a hooker. You look idiotic.
DO! Buy a cute gal a cocktail.
DON’T! Think that buying her a drink has also bought her attention.
DO! Offer to buy that person another drink if you spilled it. Come on, it’s only polite.
DON’T! Offer to wipe away the cranberry juice from that girl’s white blouse. That’s sexual harassment. Nice thought, though.
DO! Be respectful of both bartenders and the fellow drinkers. This means no fighting. No matter what. It’s not manly or cool. It makes you look like you have no self control or manners.
DON’T! Name drop at the door. If you are underage and attempting to enter a bar, telling the doorman that your buddy is a bartender probably won’t work. In fact, it will probably just piss him off.
DO! For the ladies…be nice to the cheesy guys who approach you. Excuse yourself politely if you are not interested.
DON’T! Tell him to get lost, completely ignore him or do something equally rude. He’s a person, too.
DO! Go home before you pass out at the bar.
DON’T! Dance if no one else is. I know it seems fun at the time because you can barely feel your legs, but you honestly look moronic and everyone is probably laughing at you. Sorry.
DO! Smoke cigarettes outside if you can. Apparently, non-smokers don’t like smoke blown in their face.
DON’T! Go to the bathroom in groups larger than two. The bathrooms are way too small for every lady to have four buddies just hanging out in there, reapplying lip gloss.
I have totally and with pride broken almost every single one of these rules at one time or another. Don’t make the same mistakes I have.
Happy drinking!
Originally Published: Issue 706 - September 24, 2008
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