Five Zinger Discount

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By Brian Fontenot

Since Halloween is just a few days away, we have the top five costumes possibly more frightening than LSU's defense on a Saturday night.

1. Gagged and Bound Gen. McChrystal
Tens of thousands of Taliban are taking pot shots at our armed forces while we wait for the administration to commit to a strategy. The only joke here is the president spends more time attending fundraisers and doing interviews than having meetings with Gen. McChrystal.

2. Blackballed Journalist
Nothing gives more credit to the detractors claiming you're a fascist than trying to blackball a national news organization that offers viewpoints critical of your proposed policies. Fortunately for free speech, other news organizations came to the aide of their rival, proving journalists may still be soulless, but at least they aren't zombies.

3. Fallen Dollar
Projections are we've pretty much gotten as much bang for our buck from the first stimulus bill as we're going to get. So, Congress is considering a second bill, which would be about as good for our currency as a pet store's Halloween black cat sale would be for said cats.

4. Cap and Trade Devil
The number of Americans who "believe" in global warming has decreased to 57 percent, which makes sense, considering global temperatures have remained steady over the last decade. And ironically, two-thirds of Americans believe the Devil is real, according to a study from Claremont Graduate University in California.

5. Undead Job Market
Near 10 percent, the unemployment rate has crept up steadily, to the point we may need Dr. Frankenstein's expertise to have any hope of reanimating the job market.

Originally Published: Issue 821 - October 28, 2009

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