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Why do I always fall head over heels?

[10 Comment(s)]

By Morgan Mitchener

Dear Advice,
Every time I meet a new guy, I almost instantly fall head over hills for him if he says or does something nice for me. I have no idea why, but this seems to happen all the time. I think the feeling is mutual, but whenever I see any of them again they either completely ignore me or flirt with another girl. I feel like I set myself up to be hurt. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up about a guy, but I always do. What should I do?

-Hopeless Romantic

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

It seems to me that you don't really have boundaries or a sense of emotional discipline. I know that it can be hard to meet someone that you think is the one, but no one can fit that description until you know them on a different level than just acquaintances.

You are enjoying the attention that these guys show you, but you're living in a fantasy world if you think that every word or polite gesture a guy tells/shows you is nothing more than him being nice.

The fact is you don't really know these guys and you are putting your hopes and dreams into the relationship that is non-existent. When the right guy does come, time will tell if he is right for you.

If you have not bothered to take the time to acquaint yourself with them, you are doing yourself and them a disservice. You need to use a little self-protection and not be so desperate to be in a relationship.

Your personal standards should be the deciding factor, and not everyone that you meet should be instantly let into your life. Guys will easily come and go, but if you look for the right qualities in one, then you can make it last.

Relationships are not selfish and it seems like you want something from these men that they are not even considering yet, such as a long term relationship. Misinterpreting actions and behaviors is not mature and emotional maturity is the cure here.

My best advice is to take the time to build a relationship versus letting yourself fall for first impressions, which can be very misleading. If you already know what qualities you are looking for it will be easier to weed out the bad guys and focus on the ones who are worth your time and efforts.

Originally Published: Issue 823 - November 11, 2009

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