He broke up with me via AIM

Go-To Guy

[Comment Below]

By Stephen Phillips

The other day my boyfriend of one year broke up with me on AOL Instant Messenger! Here’s the story.

He had been acting very distant lately. We still hung out but we never really did anything and he stopped showing any interest. This went on for about a month and I started to get worried. Then all of a sudden he IMs me one night. He asks me to go to a concert with him Saturday (that’s also weird because he never likes to go to concerts), and he knows that every Saturday I do something with my best friend for a “girls night.” So, I reminded him and asked him if he wanted to do something Friday or Sunday.

He got mad and told me he always has to conform his schedule to mine. Which isn’t true because I am available six out of seven days of the week! I even offered to cancel Saturday plans to see him since we hadn’t been doing much lately, but he refused. Anyway, after arguing for about an hour, he broke up with me. Where did this go wrong?

-What The Hell?

Dear What The Hell,

First of all, let me express my deepest sympathies for having to deal with such a blatant display of spinelessness. You don’t break up with people in a letter, or on the phone, and you sure as hell don’t break up with people on the friggin’ Internet (unless of course you’re into the whole cyber-dating thing. In that case, I’d recommend asking SmarterChild for advice).

Don’t beat yourself up over it. You see, Mr. e-breakup had it all planned out from the beginning. When a guy starts to seem like he’s losing interest or being distant, it does not necessarily mean he’s ready to end the relationship. Everyone loses track of their priorities from time to time, or at least slips into a rut. However, this is one of those times where a person really did lose interest. The only difference is that he made plans to not only be cowardly and non-confrontational, but try to pin the reason for the breakup on you.

Here are two obvious clues: He knows about your regular Saturday girls’ night, and he never likes to go to concerts. So, why would he randomly want to do something he doesn’t like to do on a day that he knows you’re not available? Because you’d question it, that’s why. It’s an instant – albeit extremely weak – open path to start conflict. And he had every intention of ending that conflict with the end of the relationship.

Yes, this is a classic case of manufacturing a fight to make the breakup as easy and as spineless as possible. My advice is to go through whatever grieving process you need to get over him, and move on. It was fun; it died; he sucks.

Got a question? Stephen is here to help. E-mail Stephen@tigerweekly.com

Originally Published: Issue 424 - December 6, 2006

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